None of us really likes to be so angry or upset that we are out of control with our behaviors. It's scary and it can often be emotionally or physically destructive to us, our property and even other people. So learning the skills required to carry us through our times of upset can be valuable lessons! Children have to be taught how to handle their disappointment, resentment, fear, frustration, and anger in healthy ways. Here is how this skill is presented to your children here at Blaine Elementary School:

1. Stop and count to 10. It's important to allow yourself time to cool off and think.

2. Think of how your body feels. Each person has individual cues from his/her body that let one know when he/she is close to losing control. Explore this with your your child by asking what signs he/she feels and sharing what you notice in yourself when you are becoming agitated or fearful (i.e. hands become sweaty, feel hot, feel weak, face flushes, heart thumps) It's really important to read the signs before "losing it" so that calming down actions can be taken!

3. Think about your choices:
a) Walk away for now. At school, students can ask to leave the area for a few minutes, if necessary, to calm down. This one works for upset parents, too! "I'm too mad about what you did to deal with it just now. Give me a minute to sit here and then we'll talk."

b) Do a relaxation exercise. One might be to take 3 slow, deep relaxing breaths. Another might be to intentionally tighten one part of your body (hands, jaw, shoulders) and then release it until it's loose or limp. Or close your eyes and picture yourself in a favorite placefocus intently on what it feels like and sounds like to be there.

c) Write about how you feel. Spilling words across the paper can help us to explain our perspective and to identify the feelings this situation has generated.

d) Talk to someone about it. Discuss with your child choosing a person who would be likely to understand, take the time to really listen, and keep his/her confidence if that is required.

4. Act out your best choice. Remember, if one choice doesn't work, try another one.

Sometimes we're just too angry or upset to identify what we are feeling and need to gain control before dealing with the problem. It's OK to delay dealing with the problem. Practice these steps at home with your child. We're practicing them at school, too, so we can all be more skillful in managing our emotions and our behaviors!