There are lots of opportunities for kids to use this important life skill! We adults want them to be successful seeking agreement with friends. We want them to be able to approach a teacher or another adult if they disagree with a decision, and state their own perspective. It's important in families, too, that the give-and-take of negotiation is modeled and practiced. Here are the steps for this skill:

1. Decide if you and the other person disagree. Although this seems fairly straight forward, two people may not actually be in disagreement, but only stating the same perspective in different ways! One sign of disagreement might be whether or not you or the other person is becoming angry.

2. Tell how you feel about the problem. Say this in a calm, friendly way so that the other person doesn't become more angry. Remember there are lots of feelings besides "mad". Try to pinpoint your feelings specifically...annoyed, frustrated, disrespected, unheard, hurt, afraid, worried, or ????

3. Ask the person how he/she feels about the problem. You have had your say, now it is time for the other perspective! Parents often forget this step when dealing with children so please try to invite your child to express her/himself when the two of you are in conflict. You may have to help with describing and feeling words.

4. Listen to the answer. The most important part of this step is remembering to listen to what the other person is saying without interrupting. (Double check the HOW-TO of listening by reading the Parent Help article on Listening.)

5. Suggest or ask for a compromise. Entertain suggestions from both sides, then decide on something that will satisfy both you and the other person.

HOMEWORK!

Discuss with your child(ren) each of the following situations. Explore as many alternative ways of handling each situation as you can.

-- Your friend wants to play one game, but you want to play another.
-- At school, your teacher gave you work you feel you can't do.
-- Your parents want you to baby-sit a younger brother or sister, but you need to do your homework.

Negotiating is a skill for life. We can each become better negotiators!